Chuck Norris sayings

Chuck Norris never needs a flash light, he just stares into the darkness and it moves out of the way.

Chuck Norris does not get frostbite . Chuck Norris bites frost . More Quotes

Awesome Stories

Usually when kids go to sleep they sleep with teddy bear... Chuck Norris sleeps with an actual bear .

Chuck Norris doesn't flush the toilet, he scares the shit out of it .

They were going to put Chuck Norris face on Mount Rushmore , but the rock wasn't hard enough .

Chuck Norris doesn't have to do anything for a Klondike bar .

Chuck Norris counted to infinity - twice .

Chuck Norris once played himself in Russian Roulette , and he  won . No Questions asked .

Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding .

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door .

Death Once had a near Chuck Norris experience .

Once , Chuck Norris swam to the Virgin Islands . Now they're just called "The Islands ."

Some people wear Superman pajamas. Superman wears Chuck Norris pajamas .

Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves .

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer .

Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. It's descendants are know today as Giraffes .

Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table, because Chuck Norris only recognizes the element of Surprise .

Chuck Norris has been to Mars before , that's why there are no signs of life .

Chuck Norris doesn't wear a watch . He decides what time is IT .

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass . AT NIGHT .

When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night , he checks his closet for Chuck Norris .

They once made a Chuck Norris toilet papers, but there was a problem . It wouldn't take shit from anybody .

Chuck Norris will never have a heart attack . His heart isn't nearly foolish enough to attack him .

There is no theory of evolution . Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live .

Chuck Norris played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won .

Chuck Norris can divide by ZERO .

Chuck Norris can run you over with a PARKED car.

If you spell Chuck Norris is Scrabble , you win . Forever .

Chuck Norris has the heads of King Kong , Predator and all of the 300 Spartans on his wall .

Chuck Norris died 10 years ago but the GRIMM reaper haven't had the courage to tell him .

Every February 2nd, Chuck Norris sees his shadow and beats the hell out of it .

Chuck Norris was the first one to know that the bird is the word .

Chuck Norris gave birth to his dad .

Chuck Norris can kill a vampire by showing him a picture of the sun .

When Chuck Norris does a push-up , he isn't lifting himself up, he's pushing the Earth down .

Chuck Norris doesn't mow his lawn , he stands on the porch and dares it to grow .

Chuck Norris and Superman once fought each other on a bet. The loser had to start wearing his underwear on the outside of his pants .

Chuck Norris doesn't have Twitter, because he's already following you .

Space is continuously expanding because other galaxies are running away from Chuck Norris .

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills . They made him blink .

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King , and got one .

Chuck Norris knows the last digit of PI .

When  Chuck Norris throws a boomarang it doesn't dare come back .

Chuck Norris donates blood to NASA for rocket fuel .

Google won't search for Chuck Norris because it knows you don't find Chuck Norris , he finds you .

Chuck Norris doesn't read books . He stares them down until he gets the information he wants .

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Anonymous said...


Anonymous said...

not epic lol, epic awesome, chuck norris is so awesome, there isnt a word awesome enough to describe him, and thats something everyone has to realize

Anonymous said...


Lecrae said...

god that 11 year olds comment pissed me off

Anonymous said...


Chuck Norris doesn't need a women. Because he can seduce himself.

Anonymous said...

ooooooooooomggggggggggg<3 FUCING AWESOMEEE

Anonymous said...

once there was a bet between superman and chuck norris ,condition was whoever will loose the fight will have to wear his undergarment over his pants and rest u all know............

Anonymous said...

These things r so damn funny! I wish i was at virgin island when Chuck Norris was there!!!

Anonymous said...

"Chuck norms doesn't flush the toilet. He scares the shit out of it" is my fav!!!!!!!!! Fucckin hilarious!

Anonymous said...

Fuckin 11 year olds... Wheres Chuck Norris when you need him

Anonymous said...

i`m ten what`s yor point

Anonymous said...

haha shame

Mr. Smith said...

Speak English, stupid. (As in the "YU DA AWESOMEST 11 YEEER OLDD" fag)

Anonymous said...

You are all.....douchebags.

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